Happy new year!
2021 ended with me depressed and in a mess. The depression stemmed from the beginning of the covid era.
Why am I depressed? The trigger to my depression occurred on the morning of 17 December. I have not been consistent in taking my medication. Since then, the overeating has been constant. It’s contributing to my weight. The oversleeping once I arrived home from work. I eat dinner then go to bed, waking in the middle of the night. I am also having constant thoughts about being depressed.
I am engaged to be married. I am in love and have been planning the wedding, while work has been busy relocating office and there will be new hires in 2022.
What am I depressed about? There are five main topics.
Work. Whenever people ask me how’s work, I say I love it. A few weeks ago, this love was tested. Over the latest lockdown I had to more than halve my working hours over November because of accumulated leave. With less than half the time available to do the same number of delegated tasks I submitted work late and the work quality suffered. I knew this was the case and was not surprised.
Another point are the wedding plans and the adjustment necessary to move into another house. The guest list has been bothering me. People keep offering suggestions about all aspects of the event. With the wedding date set for end of summer/autumn there could be a surge in covid cases, meaning restrictions put in place. At this point I would rather have the minimal and just be done with it.
The erosion of faith in my religion is another worry. I used to attend The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now I am a member of Hillcrest Baptist Church. Yes, I believe in God, but it’s been a struggle to keep that same level of faith throughout the year. I could confidently say that I pray, maybe even more than usual, however, I just can’t say that I believe in the rest of it.
Covid and its uncertainties has put a spanner in the works. New Zealand has been through multiple lockdowns. The Waikato Region has been moderately affected by it. It seems to be much worse in Auckland. The positive thing I can say about the situation is that at least the vast majority of New Zealanders still have the rest of our lives to live. Income lost can be re-earned but lives lost is gone.
The last thing I am depressed about is Taiwan. I come from this island and most of my extended family live there. Its controversial instability is a source of worry. My family immigrated to New Zealand mainly because of the potential danger Taiwan is under a quarter of a century ago. The issue remains contentious.
What am I going to do about my depression?
For work I will improve my productivity by logging task delegated to me and that will give a better idea of who is giving me work, when it is expected to be completed and improve my performance.
The wedding plans will continue. I will keep things simple to minimise waste.
I will keep praying about my beliefs.
About Taiwan, I hope to use some effort to share my perspective.
Together, these reasons contributing to my depression will be a source of topics I write about in 2022.